It’s been 10 days since I returned home from the most amazing weekend that I have had in nearly two years. I didn’t want to come home, there’s nothing wrong with coming home, I just can’t be me.
Not going to lie but I was anxious about stepping into a large venue again after being away for so long. To be amongst that many people in a confined space had me a little worried, but once I was through those doors I didn’t have a care in the world. I saw the girls from HRH Tower and then walked into the back room to give a big old hug to Toby, followed by Mikki, Geoff, Simon and of course boss man Jonni. The hugs from those whom you’ve missed so much are the greatest.
The room was filled with madness gathering everyone’s passes, sound check, sorting out bands, COVID checks and everything else, it was pure madness and as always the darling Toby was having kittens. The litters he have are unreal! Once the voting texts were all sorted and sound check was completed we were good to go! Twister sadly had a prior engagement so couldn’t open up the Highway to Hell competition but Enquire Within did a cracking job getting the crowd warmed up and ready to rock. After being away from live music for so long, my poor ears didn’t quite know how to handle it other than ache. So yes, I had to wear ear plugs for a bit. A failure to myself but my ears, wow! And in all honesty I have missed that after gig buzz in my ears and butterflies in my stomach. It was great to amongst my own people, my own kind!
I couldn’t get over the fact I was in a room with all these people and could feel the vibrations under my feet once again. We were in our own little bubble and nothing happening outside of the walls we were in mattered in that moment.
Another thing that I enjoyed was getting ready. Slapping on my make up, backcombing my hair, having a little drink before taking on the event. I had outfits saved and stored at home just for events like this. At home, you get called dressed up or too smart just for wearing clean clothes. During the day my town looks like a dilapidated Olympic village and by night a collection of Love Island rejects, but everybody is carbon copy of each other. Yes people have every right to be who they are and wear what they want but then why is it ok to shun and sneer at others who try to be different? At HRH, I’ve never felt like that.
People will say just be who you are or as Dave Lepard of Crashdïet (RIS), “Be Yourself and Not a Puppet in the Freakshow”, but it is hard when you have confidence issues. I was bullied a lot at school and diagnosed with a mild form of Body Dysmorphia so having any confidence in how I look is a big difficulty. Yet for some reason when I am at these events, I feel safe and more confident than ever before. Now I have friends who along the way have helped me become who I am and encourage me to be GlamRat. I can be Charlotte to my family, I can be Charlie to everyone else but I need to be who I am a lot more, especially since the years are ticking by. Before I know it I will be too old to take advantage of my position which I have done for years. Allowed the world to go by, not anymore.
This is who I should be. I should be me.