Since hitting my milestone, I’ve felt more pressure to make myself perfect. No idea why, possibly my body dysmorphia but perfect is never achievable. It’s time to make the best of what I ‘ve got.
I had an over active metabolism while I was at College, I was 17/18 and I was rather thin; but I still felt fat. I have always felt fat. No matter what size or shape I have been or perceived myself to be. I am only small (5ft1/155cm), so it is always in my mind that if I am not careful I could end up being an oompa loompa! I have funny eating habits and a few times I have gone 2/3 days without eating but still drinking water. It’s not healthy and I would never encourage anybody to do that, but it’s how I’ve managed my food. Lately, how I see food has not been great.
Carbs Are Not My Friend!
I eat a lot of junk food and pasta. I love pasta. Too much of carbs are bad without taking a lot of exercise, I know this but I can’t stop devouring a bag of Doritos. “Serves 2 people”, nah serves one Charlie. It’s wrong and I know it is, so from January (along with everyone else), my aim is to start eating and drinking better. I can do it, I just get side tracked and fall down. This time I need to, I want to feel better about myself. I don’t necessarily want to lose much weight, I want to tone up more. Get a bubble booty, slimmed down hips (love handles be gone), toned tummy and arms. It is achievable, so I think it is time to make use of that £22 a month gym membership. I actually enjoy the gym, just dragging my arse there is the problem, but I am determined to not let my gym membership be lost amongst the thousands unused every year.
I’m Addicted to Sugar… thank you Nanny
I love sugar, especially in my tea and on my cereal. There is of course soft drinks, I hate diet versions and Coke Zero, same great taste, I think not. Personally I don’t see the point in 0% caffeinated and 0% sugar in one drink, that is literally taking away all the fun of having a soft drink. I guess the Diet Coke Man had to go in a different direction at some point, but not by becoming a bore. I know Karl Lagerfeld attributed much of his weight loss to Diet Coke, but I can’t get onboard with it… unless it is the only option!
My nan would let me have sugar on sugar coated Shreddies and most of my other cereals. My Great Nan would give me a sugar cube as a little treat and all of my sweets would be sugar coated. I can’t help it and besides pasta it is one of my biggest loves. It is something that I am determined to have less of and I can do it. Since being back at work and at university I have started to drink coffee a lot more which I don’t have sugar in, probably not the best way to handle my cravings but at least I will be awake! Other alternatives to sugar has to be drinking more water. I hate water, the taste of my own mouth is awful but it is a necessity to drink water. Hydrate my skin, make me less bloated and even more youthful… apparently. Then there is Green Tea with lemon, not always a great taste but aids in debloating my belly and helps with metabolism processes, so back the to the leafy (liquid) greens it is!
I Need to Glow
Being a natural redhead, my skin has always been pale, especially blotchy on my face and for some reason I have always had a red hooter (nose for anyone not familiar with the term). A few years ago I started using the sunbeds. I know before everyone gets upset at me, yes they can harm your skin if you over use them and don’t take care of your skin in between sessions. But twice a week for 9 minutes is all I did and sometimes not even that. I use a great lotion that smells amazing and to be honest, I probably use more than I should so my skin doesn’t dry out. The big thing that I noticed, my skin tone evened out. My complexion cleared up and I had a healthy glow. I actually found my skin to be less oily and not dry, which using the sunbeds I thought would be a problem. It made me feel more confident and for 9 minutes twice a week, I could pretend to be on a beach in Greece.
The Finer Things
During lockdown(s), I did miss the littler things such as getting my hair done and most importantly (not really) my nails. It’s the little luxuries that I missed and once we were allowed to have them back, I’ve not missed a single appointment. My nails are always done by my fabulous friend Becca (beautybybecca), I’ve had facials and massages which have been wonderful. Maybe not always deserved but hey, my muscles and sanity have thanked her for it. My hair is done by Karen (Medusa) and it has taken a few years to get the perfect style. Once out of lockdown we (well Karen) finally got it perfect and I’ve never had so many compliments about the cut of my hair in my life. Joan Jett vibe is what people comment the most and to be honest, I wasn’t going for a particular person vibe more of a, rock chick kind of thing. I guess we made it with the Joan Jett feels.
So, I need to work more on myself and maybe it is a bit vain. I need to eat healthy, work out and maybe treat myself more. Most of all I need to love myself. It is a long battle that has been getting easier to win. We all have days that we wake up feeling fat, ugly and completely out of touch with ourselves. I am determined to win most days than the few I lose.
Self love, has to come from within and I need to make it happen.