Everyone says the same thing every year and I can tell you now, it doesn’t mean shit. I’m all for self improvement and doing better for yourself, but don’t lie to everyone and most of all yourself.
I’m Disappointed Enough As It Is
Every year comes and goes and every January I say to myself, I’m going to be better at this and that and it never happens. I promised myself that I’d complete all of my assignments early, nope didn’t happen. Promised myself to give up fizzy drinks, I did for a little bit and then went back on it, make sure I do stuff just for me, didn’t happen either. I wanted to be care free, that’s not happened either. So this year rather than gear up myself for more disappointed, I’ve made no plans or resolutions. I get let down by life most of the time, so why would I want to include myself in Disgruntled Alley?
I had plans to clear out the garage so that I had a work space at home but alas, money is an object that I do not have enough of sparingly. That idea for now is on the back burner, a rat has casually moved into the garage destroying things, so can’t wait to clear all of that up.
I’m a bit weird when it comes to goals. I’ve been of the mindset for a long time that if I don’t have high hopes, it will hurt less when it doesn’t work out. I know it’s not a way to lead my life but so far it has worked. People say, chase your dreams, tried it, fell on my arse and got hurt a lot along the way. I just need to stay on my lane and sometimes just be thankful for the things that do come my way.
There is Things I Want to Achieve
Finally, I will be graduating from university in June. Three years of my life, £50k worth of debt all for a little piece of paper to say I can do something legally and that I know what I am doing. I am very proud to say that I have achieved that, I’ve managed to jump through some hurdles to achieve something significant in life. For some it’s getting married or having children, with me it’s an education.
I hope to make something of my blog. It would be nice, I have lost a lot of faith and motivation in writing lately but in order for me to succeed in doing anything, I’ve got to pull my finger out. No one else will do if for me. I need to make the most of the emails I get from record labels and promotion companies so I may as well create something for my blog.
I want to keep my radio shows going, I do have fun putting them together and finding new favourites and the interaction I get from people is amazing. I would like to continue both shows and see where else that could lead me to. I love people asking me why I am not on this station or that station, the truth is, a lot of the big ones are not hiring. Smaller ones are not paying, my time at some point does become valuable.
A big thing would be to pass my driving test. Not that I have loads of money to splash on a flash motor but this will benefit me greatly. Getting a job to start with but also to have my freedom to hop in the car and just drive. Yes, petrol isn’t cheap but I’d take that hit just so I can go do loads of things such as band reviews, gigs and spending time with friends who live so far away.
I Need to Look After Myself
I always promise myself to take care of me, do everything for me and that never happens. I burned myself out last year and things got a bit too much for me. I hate saying that because there is people all over the world that are dealing with worse things than me. My brain isn’t nice to me and my body sometimes can’t keep up and gets neglected. This is the year to make more of me.
I am trying to make my teeth whiter, eat less crap, drink less sugar and work out more. There is also the little things such as getting my nails done and a spa treat to myself which can massively change my mood, surprisingly.
I’m back at the gym, which I do enjoy doing, just trying to find the time between university work and life. Hopefully this semester I’m not at university as much so I can find a few hours a week to work out. I feel better when I work out, I feel like I’m trying to keep myself in shape, I look better and it makes my brain feel better when I look at myself.
But Most of All
I just want to be happy. I’m not saying that I haven’t been happy in 2022, I was my happiest in May. I went to Ibiza with friends, DJ’ed out there, made some great memories and came back to go to Call of the Wild Festival. It was an amazing weekend of (yet again), bands, friends and great vibes. It made me want to do it more often, so I have to figure a way to do it on a professional level.
I want to create a decent work station/environment at home, I think that’s one of the pushes I have the urge to do. Currently the office is overfilled with the music instruments, the carpet is awful, the walls are peeling, everything is stacked so high and yes, there is a clothes rack filled with coats. We have nowhere else to put them. Four adults living in a three bedroom house (one is a box room) isn’t easy. Space is sacred. If I can get a part time job, that is one of the first rooms I’m sorting out.
Time is one thing we shouldn’t take advantage of but I think setting yourself goals can sometimes just bog you down. You let yourself down in not being able to achieve them and sometimes, that isn’t your fault. Life throws its curveballs and you have to roll with them.
I have got some exciting projects that I have in the mix but I need to improve myself a long the way. I may not have the energy to at the moment, but I need to find it. Only then will I be successful and hopefully content with who I am.